What am I even doing?

Hi. Hello. Welcome. I'm not even sure I know fully what this blog is. Below, I'm going to try to figure it out. 

I should also note that I am pretty solidly stoned right now, but I'm probably showing this to literally no one. Come to think of it, there is a non-zero chance that being high is, uh, incompatible with the main subject of this blog. 

SO, WHAT AM I DOING? HOW WOULD THE ME FROM ONE MONTH AGO RESPOND?

1. I am writing a blog. 

Not entirely surprising. You're a writer, after all. That being said, you've tried doing this a few different times, all false starts. Is this time different? Tell me more...

2. The blog is about searching for a spiritual identity. 

A little more of an emotional risk, but the process fascinates you and you like to discuss it. You've been focusing more on it in the last couple years, so the timing makes sense. But I need more details!

3. The blog is about a specific spiritual tradition I am exploring. 

You can't be "far enough along" with any one tradition to speak about it in a public format like this. Surely you'd need to have a somewhat heavy investment for at least six months. But you're doing it, so what's the blog about?!

4.The blog is about my journey with Quakerism. 

Uh...what? Just...HUH? Quakers? Aren't they really strict? Aren't they Christian, and therefore definitely not a match for someone who is solidly agnostic and non-theist? Haven't you been into learning about/trying out being a witch? You still love witchy stuff, how will wanting to be Quaker all of a sudden affect that spiritual investigation? Can they co-exist? YOUR CATHOLIC PARENTS WILL BE HORRIFIED WITH ALL OF THIS. (And that should still matter when you're 36!)

So many questions. So much confusion. But damn, there's something about this...

5. I initially googled modern Quakerism only because I read about 18th Century Quakers in Outlander book 7 and was curious if they still existed. 

This is absolutely not surprising.

So yeah. I just created a blog about (possibly) becoming a Quaker. But unlike most blogs about spirituality or religion (ew - I do not do "religion"), this one is starting with my thoughts and questions from the very, very beginning. I first did that google search three days ago. Since then, I've been watching a lot of videos and done some reading, and that's given me the extent of my knowledge of modern Quakerism. It's brand freaking new to me. And right now, because things resonated with me pretty quickly when checking out those sources, I'm probably overly excited about this prospect, feeling so confident it's for me. There's a bit of fervor happening in my head, which makes me more than a little unsettled. And that "God" word I bump on, because I do not believe there's an old man in the sky (or his son) controlling creation. Way too reductive and yet it's what my mind associates the word "God" with, so I'm reluctant to use the term. Not all Quakers seem to use it, but a lot do. 

My goal here is to have a place to get out my experiences, questions, and thoughts as I continue this experiment to find my spiritual home, and see if Quakerism is it. 

Most if not all entries will likely be rambling walls of text. They will include lots of pondering that hopefully doesn't sound too much like pontificating and/or the words of someone completely off their head. Sometimes, like with this post, I'll probably barely edit. But it's real and I'm going to try to take the pressure to please an audience off my shoulders and just write. 

I'm not going to waste time trying to over-design or ensure every entry is "perfect." After all, simplicity is a big Quaker belief. 

Interesting.